Why Grief Doesn't Close Your Connection (It Opens It)

"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." ~ Jamie Anderson

As I've grown older, I no longer view grief as purely about death. Grief is a myriad of emotions that span both life and death, physical separation in all its forms.

Today, I want to talk about grief from loss , when someone we love passes from this world to the spirit world. I'll return to the subject of living loss (grief for those still alive but gone from our lives) in my next post.

My Story: When Grief Opened the Door

I'd like to start with my own experience of grief, because within the depths of that experience, my ultimate journey into spiritual development truly started.

For me, grief is the change you never asked for or wanted. It shows you your true vulnerability and that despite your best efforts or self-adopted strategies to navigate through life, you are not, in fact, in control. It is an outcome that lands with a resounding thud of finality.

It was the passing of my father that opened the door to grief, and that door has remained open. Not only was it a pivotal moment in my life, but it shone a light on everything I thought I knew about life. That one glaringly obvious moment completely and firmly showed me that nothing is permanent, that love cannot stop death, and that I too was going to die.

Fear walked straight out of that opened door and headed towards me. It arrived and stayed, uninvited and unwanted, until now - where I am still aware of its presence, but it does not influence me now as it did then.

Why Grief is Actually Spiritual Development

It was the touch paper that ignited and motivated my desire to pursue my spiritual development. It's the pursuit of truth, of knowledge, and above all, understanding.

The loss was so deep and so unyielding I needed to feel I had some form of control. When the ache of the loss became unbearable and I had no physical place to see or be with my father, I needed to know there was something more.

It didn't happen immediately. There was more than a moment of pause. There was anger, denial, and a melting pot of emotions to deal with until I was able to accept that it had happened.

My life changed immeasurably. I spent a lot of time running away from myself, my emotions, and closing down my thoughts so that I could function. At times I buried my grief because my mum was also grieving, and it was easier to focus on her than it was to focus on how I was feeling.

It actually took four years before I was ready to step into my development. At the time, I didn't truly understand why. And if I am completely honest, my belief system in spirit and the afterlife was in tatters.

Just like the Tower card in the Tarot, it was an event that took everything with it ,who I was, what I thought I wanted. My old life was exactly that, not relevant anymore.

So we search and look for meaning and purpose. We take our first steps along the spiritual pathway.

The Common Belief (Grief Blocks Connection)

I actually believe the opposite is true. Not only is it the time we want to believe it the most, it's the time we are the most open, the most reflective, the most aware of our emotional landscape. The environment created through loss is, in fact, ripe for development.

If there are any blocks at all, it is the blocks of doubt, that what we are sensing or experiencing are true, or are we just "clutching at straws" and "hoping for the best."

In essence, we are humbled enough to listen and to consider the possibilities that we may have dismissed before.

I remember it as a feeling as if I had been winded by an unexpected blow. I just had to stop and focus on regaining my breath and establishing my normal rhythm.

But once I was back on my feet, I was ready to move forward with purpose. Not restricted through shock, but filled with purpose to explore the possibility that there really was life after death. After all, I could feel him. My father was all around me.

Why Bereaved People Become Mediums

Grief humbles us to a point where our own fragility sits front and center. Our faith is shattered. We feel vulnerable and adrift.

Everything changes, including family dynamics, relationships, especially the one you have with yourself.

All of a sudden, everything holds an intensity that sometimes seems like the thin line between normality and unimaginable pain. You feel everything. It's like you suddenly recognize different levels of depth. When you feel you can't go any lower, you discover another level that holds you even deeper than you were before.

Because you are in a raw state of consciousness, you are open - often without even the energy to do anything other than just be where you are. And it is in this rawness of emotion that space is created. That is the perfect environment for spirit to communicate. Not despite grief, but because of it. Open, accessible, raw, and searching for something more.

The Relationship Between Heartbreak & Opening

We often associate heartbreak with romantic relationships, but in essence, love in any form, relationship, friendship, family, or death, it's all the same. Just love with nowhere to go. Heartbreak in its most unforgiving and heart-wrenching form.

You cannot escape heartbreak. You can move away, ignore it, occupy yourself with something else. But when heartbreak cracks you open, it becomes part of you. It never leaves us. We just adapt and accept, but it still remains.

The hollow ache we feel? That's space for spirit. The moments of silence? That's space for spirit. There is no timeline. As we work through the pain and begin to achieve a sense of balance, our senses grow sharper, our awareness is heightened. We are ripe for communication.

How to Sit With Grief

I have a view about destination mentality, that it can be more harmful and more debilitating than the sometimes brutal truth of acceptance.

Grief is not something we can fix. And in all honesty, why would you want to fix something or make it go away when the depth of your love and feeling are the only things left in tangible existence to hold onto?

We don't arrive out of grief to a non-grief state. We literally transform. We morph and change. We embody new ways, emotions, memories, and patterns of behavior. Grief is like a new chapter in a book, but not one that starts from the beginning, a chapter that follows on, stronger and more adept at dealing with change.

It is often said that we should sit with grief. In my experience, I could not get away from feeling it in every waking moment. So the acceptance of what's happened is liberation, the ability to feel a little lighter than before and a little more okay to still continue to live the life you have in front of you.

I guess when I was in the deepest throes of grief, I began to understand myself a little more. Through the quiet contemplation, the realization that at times it was only my voice that mattered, because despite well-intentioned advice, my energy was calling me in another direction, I realized that no one could live this other than me.

I started to notice what my energy was saying. When it felt depleted. When I needed to rest. At last I was at the very beginning of listening to my body, my energy. And I learned that it was also me who could balance my internal landscape.

I'm also not a fan of people who police your grief timeline, or even the well-documented "stages of grief." I don't believe there is a list or timeline that could support the ever-changing emotions of loss. But they do show us that other people have navigated through the process. Always know that you are unique, that your loss holds no semblance to any other. Let patience be your friend. Go at your own pace.

Why Spirit Comes Closer During Loss

We often feel that it is us who has the longing to still feel, know, and be close to our lost loved one. But our loved ones want that too. The veil thins because our aching souls are still very much connected, but communication needs to come in a different form.

In truth, I'm not entirely sure I believe in a thinning veil. And if such a thing exists, then I believe that it is us who holds the key, through the intention and searching, through the self-reflection, the stillness, and your own self-awareness.

I was told by my Spirit Guide that my father, who came to me in a dream known as a visitation after his passing, had a strong desire to come back to show me that he was safe and well. He showed me himself as I remembered him as a little girl, and not the memories I had of him at end of life. He never spoke, but I just knew. Our souls still connected, and our love never interrupted.

Some might say that it was a dream or that it might be a hefty case of wishful thinking. But it was far more intense and resounding than that. I felt an atmospheric pressure, vivid images. I was awake and moving my hands, and he showed me other spirits that I saw clearly. I felt elated. And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope.

I knew through my own experience that what I had experienced was true. And at the time I wasn't in development, so I just held it with me, allowing it to soothe me until it brought me onto my spiritual pathway.

Grief as Spiritual Development

Every loss develops you because love leaves an impact that cannot be forgotten. We change, we learn, and we grow. We embody those who touched our hearts and our souls, and we become the custodians of the emotions we can no longer express in person.

This is why expression allows us to process grief, through writing, reliving memories, not hiding but embracing and celebrating love. It hurts, yes. But without it, their existence remains hidden. We cannot lose what we talk about.

Grief has taught me many things in my work, but above anything else, it has given me a vehicle that supports my development. The reasons why I do it. The respect of a connection. The importance of a reunion. Every part of my work holds meaning, and I am proud to be in service to the spirit world.

The Gifts Hidden in Grief

Can there be any gifts hidden in grief? I do believe there is a time and a place for this question. And for some, that time may not be now. But I do feel so much gratitude for what grief represents.

To love is the most precious gift, and grief represents hearts that bonded, mouths that smiled, shared stories and kissed, ears that listened and hands that held you. Grief is the loss of all of those things, a void that was once filled with light is now emptied and void of connection.

Loss that impacts us to the point of grief is the greatest love of all. And without it, our lives would be empty and unfulfilled.

Through all of my heartache - and in all honesty, it still remains, I have transformed in ways I could never have imagined. And I will never forget a message I got from my father six months after he passed: "Live your life and smile."

In that moment, I realized that our time here is short. And with my belief that life is eternal, I carry my grief proudly because it shows that I loved.

Your Loss is Part of Your Path

Grief doesn't close you. It opens you up. It exposes our vulnerabilities. We don't get a free pass. We get a chance to do the right things, to show kindness and compassion. We get to choose what we do with the people we love.

If you're grieving and feeling called to develop, trust your inner voice. Follow that feeling. You don't need to be at a "certain point" you just have to have the desire to begin.

Grief is often the catalyst. Your loss is part of your path.

I hold Foundation Circle every Wednesday evening , a space for those beginning their spiritual development through self-awareness, meditation, and sitting in the power. A chance to experience your own energy and process your emotional landscape in a safe, traditional environment.

If you're ready, I'd be honored to walk this path with you.

Learn more about Foundation Circle :Home - Dawn Smith Psychic Medium

WITH LOVE,

DAWN