Shadow Work for Spiritual Development (Why Most Mediums Skip This Step)
- Dawn Smith
- Jan 1
- 12 min read
Shadow Work for Spiritual Development (Why Most Mediums Skip This Step)
“Your Shadow is all of the things, ‘positive’ and ‘negative,’ that you’ve denied about yourself and hidden beneath the surface of the mask you forgot that you’re wearing.” – Oli Anderson
When I think about 'Shadow Work' especially when it first came into my awareness, it all felt a little uncomfortable, my mind went to somewhere dark, even potentially menacing. Shadows, hidden corners, it felt heavy and I avoided it, not because it was unnecessary but because in honesty I felt scared.
But when I was ready to sit with the concept and I allowed it to expand without restriction, I began to understand something far deeper than what the name implies.
Of course we are uncomfortable with things we cannot potentially see, or we feel are hidden from view, like secrets or dishonesty, or ego driven wants and needs, and then to think that potentially I too held some forms of negative behaviours or traits did not feel like something I wanted to explore, but this of course is not something that we can flee from if we are searching for a place of peace and calm and above all, safety, where our awareness holds more than the energy of others (both disincarnate and incarnate souls) but the awareness of self, true self reflection and contemplation.
So from now on I will refer to Shadow Work as Self Awareness because what I have discovered is this
Accountability
Acceptance
Knowledge
Understanding
Are the outcomes of self awareness which in turn underpin your work as a Medium, ultimately seeing things as they are, not as you want or wish them to be, not through the lens of trauma, or hurt through painful experiences, to understand yourself is to liberate yourself from limitations and triggers that have molded you and keep you captive.
So before I stepped into meaningful development I wouldn't say I was a different person but I would say that I was seeing life through a lens of self gratification and validation, I avoided conflict, I wanted to be chosen, I lacked confidence, low self esteem, I felt undervalued and unheard and I could go on, but human emotions that were very real and all encompassing, emotions that I did not want to admit or acknowledge on any level, but they were there shaping my responses and thought patterns, my shadow self.
Why We Avoid Self-Awareness (And Why That's a Problem)
I spent a lot of my younger years trying to figure things out, 'Why' was a familiar phrase I flirted with on many occasions, why did it turn out that way, why did I or they react the way they did and many other variations that validated my internal voice, and what I realised over the years was that I was only ever observing the behaviour of others and the results of external influences on my own emotional landscape, it was always about them and never about me.
Its uncomfortable to actually take a step back and look at yourself and be accountable for the part you play in someone else's story, to take a good hard look at your own behaviours, its wounding and its not a salve to calm anxieties, in many cases I have found myself questioning my value and picking up my self esteem and energy after a long period of assessing self.
But here's the thing and however you frame this is entirely your own prerogative, be it your inner child or the more complex shadow.
For me this is and will always be about
Honesty
Accountability
Responsibility
Facing guilt
Embracing forgiveness
Acceptance
Do i believe in past lives, or parallel lives all playing out at the same time, ancestral trauma, ancestral Karma? yes I do, and are there practitioners that can help guide you on a healing pathway, yes, but the honest truth is, its down to you, especially as a medium to fully commit to self refection and or contemplation to assist you to become a clear channel for the spirit world.
Most mediums want to jump straight to connecting with spirit, without doing the human work first. But you cannot identify spirit energy if you don't know your own energy, and you can't know your own energy if you're looking through distorted lenses, like trauma, triggers and unhealed wounds.
There is nothing worse than not feeling comfortable in your own skin, my own belief is that this is a major contributor to anxieties, trying to live upto other peoples expectations of you and where you should be in life, this is a process you cannot miss if you want to become more fluid in your work and be able to navigate the subtle threads of information that filter into your energy.
Self-Awareness: The Blank Foundation of Real Mediumship
I'm not going to lie, the emotional toll of sitting with uncomfortable feelings and revisiting old wounds is as appealing as adding an extra day to the working week, but it is an essential part of your tool kit.
I have gained a lot more self compassion throughout this process and in turn it has helped me to be less reactionary and more balanced. I'm patient and I feel in control, and I don't mean in control by turning the screws up another notch, I mean by understanding what comes next and knowing that I can handle it, its liberating.
At the beginning I said "Seeing things as they are, not as you want or wish them to be, not through the lens of trauma, or hurt through painful experiences, to understand yourself is to liberate yourself from limitations and triggers that have molded you and kept you captive." and this is the absolute reason why self awareness is necessary, because in your mediumship you will be shown and given information that you can draw on from your own experiences, without working through those experiences, understanding and coming to terms with your emotions you lay yourself bare to being triggered, not by spirit, but by your own very human nature.
Accountability - It's not failure to admit that you may have been wrong, or that you might have failed, let someone down or contributed to a situation or hurt someone or caused pain, life is complex and every perspective counts, within this unenviable environment we need to see things as they are and truly understand why we did what we did, where did it come from, what pain, insecurity or fear is leading the way.
Taking responsibility for your own emotions and reactions and understanding why is incredibly important.
Acceptance - Lets talk about heartbreak, it has to be one of the most painful experiences to navigate, especially when your heart is torn or love is not reciprocated. I have often asked myself why I have been so unwilling to let go of heartbreak, carrying around a heart as heavy as a two ton truck, playing the 'why' game and feeling 'less than' in a world of rejection or grief.
But we all have a choice, not always in the heartbreak we face but a choice to accept what is, exactly as it is, full on 100% heartache.
I have often wondered after many hours in self reflection where I felt the hollow ache in my body, was it from the rejection I faced or was it in fact that I was trying to fill a void in what was lacking in my own life. Have you ever held on too long or ignored red flags that should be worn like capes on super hero's, does the adrenaline roar despite the lack of respect, acceptance show us with clarity the way back to the heart of the problem.
And lets not forget the never ending ache of grief through loss of a loved one, something will will touch on in more depth later in the Blog.
Knowledge - some types of knowledge are not taught in schools, emotional intelligence over practical and logical minds is sorely under rated.
Do you ever truly know yourself, I don't believe that you ever truly do, maybe for a split second, but as you continually move forward you are in a constant state of becoming so you truly are a work in progress.
Knowledge is powerful, understanding your triggers, patterns and wounds, there is no need to be in denial of what you have been through, there are no rewards for being brave, in most cases we are labelled as strong which in turn creates an illusion of unending reserves to face challenges, we all have our limits.
So the knowledge of who we are and what we have been through is not the blueprint of your life, its the signposts that signify not only your points of discomfort but also your victories.
Understanding - Knowing why you react the way you do is freedom, giving yourself grace, showing compassion and forgiveness for yourself and wounds you've sustained and unintentionally given to others, understanding this will calm your nervous system.
There is a saying about the heart and the head, 'give the heart time to understand what your head already knows', what I have found is that there are two worlds inside me, both competing to be heard. The head is always crowded with other peoples words and ideas, its logical and practical and hard wired for the human experience and the heart, the softer more graceful friend, that loves and forgives outside the lines, once this is understood the relevance of accountability, acceptance and knowledge make powerful pillars indeed.
What My Shadow Was Hiding (And How It Affected My Mediumship)
For me this journey has been a maze of dead ends, starting with what I thought were the right pathways towards healing, to ultimately finding myself in places I had long forgotten existed, buried deep within my past and not in the shallows of my recent experiences.
Not only did I dislike confrontation as a child it followed me throughout my adult life, commanding me to keep the peace at any cost, something I shouldered for many years until I sort some kind of respite from the chaos it caused me internally.
The need to be chosen, to the point where I expected that I would never be chosen, an acceptance that haunted me, of course this became far more than rejection alone, self esteem took an enormous blow, making it easy to retreat further into my shell.
My lack of confidence was crippling, unsure of how I would be received, my ideas, my voice, frightened to take up space, looking back not only was it in my shadow but it replicated itself in the real world, hiding and expecting not to be seen.
But once I started to develop these habitual thoughts and actions that were layered upon layer could no longer define me, to work as a clear and open channel I had to work on myself. Nobody ever really told me what to do, but through the natural progression of my mediumship I wanted to understand why at times it wasn't working or why I felt triggered or even afraid in the very things I was striving so hard to embrace.
How my shadow presents itself
When I avoided conflict, I also avoided giving difficult information or messages from spirit because I wanted to be liked.
Getting emotional or triggered in readings, was this spirit's emotion or mine, why am I reminded of my own life.
When I felt unheard or overlooked, I lost confidence especially on Platform, I felt validated in my thought patterns and wanted to throw in the towel, not wanting to correct it, just going back to hiding and not doing.
All of these are of course the tip of the iceberg, but, I no longer see these as weaknesses, they are barriers that I continually work on and understanding them allows me turn barriers into gates that I can walk through.
Why Spiritual Development Is far more than the act itself
Have you ever had spiritual experiences as a child, where things just happened or appeared, where you accepted without question, no effort or techniques required? This is because as a child you were open, free in your expression, nothing to compare to, no one to answer to if you kept your experiences to yourself.
But what happens when you do express what you see and feel, you are shut down, or made to feel like you are making things up or seeking attention, this is when the Shadow is born, this is where the layers begin, when we start to learn how to temper our behaviours and then life continues and our human experience takes us through a myriad of experiences and the pure, innocent soul of childhood changes to accommodate the life it actually lives.
Nothing is wrong, its just life.
You are already having a spiritual experience even if you never step up on a platform to demonstrate, you are unfolding naturally, but you cannot separate the two, you have to work on yourself to reclaim your true self, before you strived to fit in or tempered yourself down, now your striving to come home, to yourself.
Spirit communication happens through you, your life and your experiences, you are the filter for the information that is given, to allow information to flow without hindrance it cannot pass through your unprocessed emotions or trauma, now I'm going to caveat that because I'm not saying that you cannot be a good Medium if you have had a hard life, (show me a Medium that hasn't) but if you can recognise and understand your reactions, you can at least flow with it and not against it. Spirit will hold up a mirror to your unhealed parts.
If you feel you are blocked its here, on the earth side of life, its not in the spirit world and because of that you absolutely have the ability to move past it, but the work lies with you through self awareness and reflection, learning another technique won't help you if the same filters apply, same filters, same reaction.
Can't connect in sitting? Do you feel tense or under pressure, are you forcing, Performing, Seeking validation, why?
Getting emotional in readings? Is this spirit's emotion or yours from a triggering memory or situation, why?
Feeling drained after circle? Are you working Psychically instead, heavy earth energy instead of high vibrational spiritual energy, why?
And now after all these years I am still flirting with the word why, but this time its about liberation not regrets. Self-awareness is not separate, it's integrated into spiritual development. They're the same work.
Practical Self Awareness for Spiritual Development
The first thing I want to say is that this takes time, its not a race, its a lifetimes journey of reflection and each time your go a little deeper you release emotions that potentially have been stuck for a very long time, not only that but the emotional toll of release can also be depleting at first.
Be gentle with yourself.
Don't be afraid to sit with discomfort, don't run, when you feel triggered ask yourself why, be courageous enough to unpack the suitcase instead of locking it back up and putting it under the bed.
Write down your emotions and work through them, just write, you will eventually find a natural rhythm and flow, I do journal but I also write letters (I never send) expressing my emotions and I find this cathartic, complete honesty and authenticity.
Once you establish a practice you can notice an patterns or repetition, why do I always do this, do i always react in the same way?
You can of course see different perspectives and views, especially from trusted sources like friends, family and mentors.
And don't be afraid to seek therapy or counselling, to be completely honest I do believe that it holds enormous value because within this process, connection is also really important.
Ask yourself the hard questions
Why do I seek validation
What am I avoiding
What scares me
Why don't I trust myself
The Liberation of Knowing Yourself
Really early on in my blog posts I mentioned about energy awareness, sitting in the power to understand your own energy first, until you know your own energy you can't possibly understand when another energy comes in and this for me is an absolute truth, to know yourself, to recognise your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, its the golden ticket your looking for, self awareness takes you there.
You can be a clear vessel for spirit communication without communicating through your own wounds and filters, spirit communication becomes easier when we don't apply our own filters.
Your awareness is expansive allowing you to give deep evidential mediumship that actually resonates and means something to the recipient.
You develop discernment (the most important skill)!
You stop people pleasing in readings
You hold boundaries without guilt
You trust your connection because you know yourself
I know these questions will be unpopular but something to think about.
What's the rush, to do readings or be on platform, there is no timeline and your development should never stop, ask yourself if your need for validation as an medium?
Are you open to and working on self awareness or are you only working on spiritual techniques and practice?
When did you last honestly look at how you are coping, emotionally and physically, when did you truly look at your own patterns, with compassion and understanding.
Try This Now: A 5 Minute Self-Awareness Practice
Sit quietly
Ask "What emotion am I avoiding right now?"
Don't answer with your head, feel into your body
Where do you notice tension, heaviness, tightness?
Just notice. Don't fix. Just acknowledge.
The Work Nobody Wants to Do (But Everyone Needs)
I lost the need to be popular a long time ago, because being popular made me a people pleaser, squeezed me into boxes I was never made to fit into and stretched my boundaries way beyond what I needed, so i know that this is not popular teaching and I know that most people skip self awareness.
But the ones that don't begin to flourish in ways that bring enormous depth and clarity in their work, sustainable, discerning, evidential mediums.
No quick fixes, no short cuts, no weekend warriors collecting certificates.
What's one thing about yourself you've been avoiding looking at?
Start there.
Spirit will hold up a mirror. The question is, are you ready to look?
If you're ready for development that includes BOTH spiritual and self awareness the techniques AND the self awareness, Foundation Circle opens January 12th, 2026.
This is where we do the real work together.
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